The thing is, a few other shelters are saying "No Single People". But those have an alternate place for single people and they don't discriminate between men and women. I'm guessing, in this case, the pastor just wants all the single women to be focused so he can minister to them himself.Originally Posted by souljahbill
Great stuff!
The dude abides.
It's been a while since I made mention of things happening here at home. Things had been pretty stable with my mom for the most part over the past year or two. She had to have a proceed to zap a couple cancer growths in her brain with radiation last December. Unfortunately she developed a brain bleed because of the blood thinners she was on, so that led to some worrying times.
She got stable again, got through the rest of the year pretty well, until right after Thanksgiving, she was struggling to keep her oxygen levels up. Went out to the ER, sat there for 22 damn hours waiting for a bed in the ICU at the Cleveland Clinic, since her primary doctor at the local hospital was on vacation and his backup doctor didn't want to attempt any tests or scans since he wasn't familiar with her case.
She eventually got transported to Cleveland Clinic ICU on the morning of December 1st, where she remained until being discharged on December 16th. During that time she had an oxygen crisis her first night there and had to be put on a ventilator for a week. My dad, in his classic fashion, understated the seriousness of everything at the time, only finding out later she had come close to a point where she could have died. Over the two weeks, she eventually stabilized and reached the point she was back to where she was before arriving in Cleveland and the doctors themselves admitted there was nothing more they could do at the time since she was back to where she had been before Thanksgiving, so they let her come home.
She was able to come home for Christmas, though being in ICU for two weeks, made it through the holidays alright, though her legs were very weak after laying in an ICU bed for two weeks, so we had to get her back and forth to the bathroom by pulling her in a chair from the dining room since it was too much for her to walk at the time.
Tuesday, January 2nd, she went back to Cleveland Clinic for radiation on her neck to try and take out a spot that was causing her to lose strength and control of her left arm. The procedure seemed to go well, she said her pain in her neck and arm was going down each day. She was discharged this past Saturday, by the time they got home a couple hours later, she was having pain and swelling in her legs. We got her in the house, got her settled on the couch with a heating pad so she could relax and see what would happen with the legs, thinking it was just from being cramped in the car for three hours.
Sunday morning, we try to get her to the bathroom and her legs start to buckle after just a couple steps. Had to call 911 and have paramedics come take her to the hospital. She sits in ER for 6 or 7 hours until an ICU bed at Cleveland Clinic is opened up and transported back. Turns out she has clots in both legs between the pelvis and the knees. They can't do a surgery to try and remove the clots because she has to be on blood thinners, which the puts her at risk of a brain bleed. Last night vascular doctor basically bluntly said both legs from the knee down are dead, they'll never regain functionality, so I've been struggling to come to terms with that since 9pm last night.
Then just got a call at 8am this morning, while she wanted to keep fighting and risk the surgery yesterday, I think she's come to terms with everything as my dad was calling to talk about preparing for the eventual end, whenever it happens. So now it's trying to figure out when me and my sister are going to make the drive to Cleveland together, whether we leave today or tomorrow or whatever. Waiting on a call from my dad to clarify where things stand, whether she's going to remain in Cleveland or be transferred back here and go into hospice.
9 days in, and I already fucking hate 2018.
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Damn, Smooth. I'm really sorry to hear all of that. Please keep us posted.
Sorry, Smooth. I hope for the best but hospice is never a good sign.
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Thanks guys. I've been slowly working on accepting there is no positive outcome from this. Hospice is essentially a forgone conclusion. The doctors at Cleveland Clinic have exhausted their options and between last night and this morning, she has gradually come to the realization as well and has accepted while she still wants to keep fighting, there is just no medical options anymore to keep fighting with. There's just too much going wrong and no ways to fix it.
My sister and I are on the turnpike right now headed to Cleveland. While the end isn't imminent, she's been in increasing pain throughout the day, so we both want to spend time with her while she's still lucid and not yet drugged to oblivion on pain medicine.
We were hoping for in home hospice so she could at least be back home where I know she wants to be. But the state she's in, where she's basically permanently bed bound from here on out, would require round the clock nursing, so it's almost all but likely she'll have to go into a hospice facility, which thankfully there's one just on the north side of town, so while she wouldn't get to be back in the house, she would at least be able to return back to the town she was born and has lived in her whole life instead of being in a random room in a random building in Cleveland.
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Man. I'm so sorry, brother.
I really can't empathize because I'm not that close with my family. It didn't faze me in the least when my mother passed away and it won't when my father does either.
That said, you have my sympathy. I'm sorry you're having to go through this and you have my support. Just make the most of the time you have left with her. If we can do anything, please speak up.
What steeler said. I’m sure there’s nothing we can do for you and your family but offer support for you guys during these dark days. May the inevitable transition be as peaceful as possible her and the family.
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I appreciate it guys.
Unfortunately, it's over. My sister and I got to the Cleveland Clinic around 5 or so. We got to spend a little bit with her while she was still cognizant and aware, before she received her next morphine dose. So at least got to talk with her and tell her we love her before the drugs took over.
Around 6:30, they moved her from the ICU over to palliative care, with the expectation of sending her home to hospice tomorrow.
At one point, we had a scare as she really struggled to breathe and had a face that will probably haunt me for weeks and months to come. We thought that was the end, but it apparently was just the morphine taking full effect.
Then a little after 9pm, with my sister, dad and I sitting around her, it just suddenly ended. It happened so suddenly, she just stopped breathing in an instant and went. It took us a minute to even realize she wasn't breathing anymore, it happened so quickly. The doctors all thought it'd be a couple days at least, but it's ended.
I have no idea if her body just gave out from the hour or two of labored breathing after they administered the morphine, or if a blood clot broke loose somewhere, I don't know what ultimately caused it, but it happened extremely quick, one second she was breathing and the next second she wasn't. And it was thankfully painless as they had her on a very high dose of morphine. She had been pretty well out of it for at least an hour or two before it happened.
At this point, it's just been going through the entire process of emotions. Lots of crying and sorrow, some anger, lots of regrets and second thoughts and wishing I had done some things differently in the past for her. Even though I know I need to get some sleep tonight at some point, it's gonna be a long ass night...
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My sincerest condolences, Andrew. I'm sorry to hear that it's over but at the same time I'm glad that there wasn't any long term suffering involved.
If we can do anything, please let us know. Listening is free and we'll always do that for you, brother.
You have once again, beat me to the exact words I would say. Great minds.....
There’s nothing else I can add to that, Smooth. I feel the same way. I’m not a “thoughts and prayers” person but I wish you and your family the best in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
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So sorry to hear that, SP. Let us know if there's anything we can do.
Thank you guys. It really does help and mean a lot. It's been pretty much just me, my dad and my sister since last night. The closest family (aunts and uncles) were in Florida and Maryland as of yesterday, so being able to even just simply post here and being able to use as a bit of a distraction so I can get a brief break from the thousands of thoughts and emotions racing through my head has been a very much welcome one.
Even last night, after getting to the hotel room after midnight, I turned on the TV and sat there until after 2:30 in the morning watching whatever I could find just to have something to take my mind off things. I imagine my PS4 is going to get a lot of hours these next two weeks, as just sitting at home otherwise is going to be a major struggle.
I am definitely taking comfort in the fact it was a quick and painless end. After watching my grandma struggle over her last day or two, even as drugged up as they had her, I was praying for my mom to pass quickly and peacefully. I didn't want her to have to suffer for a prolonged time.
It's hard. No matter what, it's still really hard. I was extremely close with my mom so it has really been a struggle since last night. I'm happy I got to spend some time talking with her and telling her I love her one last time last night before they gave her the morphine, I'm happy she went painlessly and quickly, I'm happy she was able to be home a couple weeks ago and we got to spend Christmas together as a family one last time and I got to spend one last New Year's Eve with her and my dad, even though I've never been one to care much for stuff like NYE. But it's definitely going to be a struggle going forward, one I'm still trying to figure out how to grapple with.
Thank you again though for you guys being here. I'll still be around, like I said, there are times I am going to be in desperate need of distractions, so I'll at the very least be checking in to read any new gaming or sports posts over the next week or two, maybe not comment as much as I have recently in the NFL or Bowl games threads, but I'll still be checking in regardless. And obviously I'm sure this won't be my last post here in this thread.
Thank you again guys, it really really does help and means a lot.
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Smooth, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Hey guys,
I just want to thank you all for the kind words, thoughts and prayers. Last week was hell, and while it wasn't any better with 10 hours at the funeral home between Sunday and Monday, and then the funeral this past Tuesday morning, I think being on my feet and having so many people to greet and talk with over those days was so exhausting that I was able to get through it just looking forward to sleeping each night.
It's been better since Tuesday, though that is something that has been sort of bothering me. All last week and up through the funeral, I was sad, depressed, randomly crying, grieving, couldn't even stand to be in the house alone for the first week because of how quiet and empty it felt with my mom no longer around.
Tuesday afternoon, after the luncheon back at the church following the funeral, all the family went out to a local sports bar for a round of drinks, that turned into 3 hours of stories, laughing, drinking, ordering food even following the luncheon, etc. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday was spent at home just watching TV, relaxing, not doing much of anything for the first time in a week and a half. Went out with friends to dinner and then back to one of their houses for poker and laughs from 6-11pm Friday night. And then just sitting around relaxing and watching TV.
Since Tuesday, no crying, no outright sadness or depression, just back to normal. I know I have to find a sense of normalcy eventually, and my mom told my sister and I to go live our lives and find happiness in our lives that night she passed, but not even two weeks since she passed, only four days since the funeral and the last and final time I got to look at her, and I'm not sitting here still sad and depressed and grieving.
That just really bothers me right now that after losing a parent that I loved so much, someone I saw every day for all 30 3/4th years of my life, after such of a short time, I'm just back to life as usual instead of still being constantly sad or grieving. I think that's what is bothering me the most out of everything right now.
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I'm not really sure what to tell you in this situation, Smooth. There's not really a proper timeline for grieving. I mean it's a personal thing and it happens in your time and you shouldn't compare your experience to anyone else's.
I will say that excessive/lengthy grieving can be problematic but I don't think there's such a thing as "not enough" or "too short" unless it's a denial or suppression type thing.
Don't let yourself get caught up in feeling guilty. You know how much you thought of your mother, she knew it (and, beautifully, told you and your sister to move on and live your lives) and it's clear how you felt through your posts. How hard/long you grieve is irrelevant.
In my experience in the funeral business it was apparent to me that the more intelligent someone was the better they handled the process. I think you're probably right where you're supposed to be with it.
You'll probably have a relapse or two and that's ok. There's nothing wrong with missing someone and hurting so don't fight it. You're going to carry some of this with you for the rest of your life but you're smart enough to process it and you will on your own schedule.
I was in this boat back in 2006. My best friend died out of the blue. No warning. Just got a call one morning from his wife and it left me numb. I realize my guy is not on the same level as your mother but it’s the closest I’ve come to knowing your grief. Feel how you feel, Smooth. If you feel bad, feel bad. If you feel joyful over her memory, feel joyful. Don’t bog yourself down in how you SHOULD feel and just take it day by day. I felt bad the day I found out. I felt bad at the funeral. I would occasionally feel bad at random times. For the most part though, I know he wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad endlessly over him as I wouldn’t want him to do that for me if the roles were reversed. It’s still kinda new so it’s gonna be weird for a minute. I had survivor’s remorse when my friend died as I always considered him to be a better person than I do I’d feel that I should’ve gone, not him. But that’s life, my man. You’ll find yourself missing her when something happens and you think this would be the perfect time to talk to her about it. I know my wife and I are always disappointed that we never got to take couples vacations with my friend and his wife because it was he that pretty much got us together.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss and we’re all here for you in any capacity we can help.
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Sorry for your loss Smooth.
Thanks guys. I just felt like something was wrong not still being constantly sad or depressed after only a week or two, compared to how miserable I felt those first couple days after, sitting at home with my dad and sister, randomly breaking down for a couple minutes at a time when any thought or memory would come up. It just felt like a week or two wasn't enough.
It has sort of hit me a little bit again the last day or two. It all came rushing back Sunday night when I went to bed, realizing that I had to go back to work Monday and it just sort of hit me that everything from the last two weeks, the viewings, the funeral, the time with family and friends was over for now and that I had no choice but to go back to the normal daily grind of work whether I was ready or not.
And then yesterday, talking with some coworkers and thanking them for coming to the funeral last week, since I had no chance to say anything at the end of the funeral since we were pretty much out the door and into cars to head to the cemetery with little time for anything else, on top of being a pall bearer for my mom, which was something I ultimately ended up having to do for myself as a way of seeing her off for the final time, and something that I knew I would regret not doing at some point down the road.
I know some days will be easier and some days will be harder. I guess it'll just be finding that middle spot where I can push on with life and not let it hold me back like she didn't want to have happen.
Thank again though for all the support, prayers and wishes. Knowing that you guys are there for me does help!
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